


You're Never Going To Lose Me

by MissConstance



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Cute, F/F, Feels, Fluff and Angst, I needed to write something after last week's ep, SO ANGST, Tasha and Patterson are in love but too blind to see it, but then feelings, so here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 16:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14140020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissConstance/pseuds/MissConstance
Summary: Some time after the case of the dragonfly tattoo, Tasha's home alone and drunk. Guess who she calls?Angst with a lot of feelings





	You're Never Going To Lose Me

**Author's Note:**

> My girlfriends need some love so I decided to write this little thing   
> Hope you enjoy! :)

Two weeks. 

It’s been two weeks since Patterson learned that Borden was alive. It’s been two weeks since Patterson has not said a word to Tasha unless it’s for a case. And even then, she’d talk to any other member of the team. But not to her. She’d barely look at her. She had put an invisible barrier between them. 

And Tasha couldn’t bear it.   
Not anymore. 

But she had no choice. Patterson still refused to hear her apologies and she’d get away as soon as she was alone with her. She avoided her like the plague. And it was slowly killing her. The team had noticed, of course. They had tried to talk to Patterson, but to no avail. 

So now, Tasha was sitting on her couch in her apartment. Alone. She had already finished two beers. She was slowing getting drunk. And all she could think of was Patterson.   
Her eyes, her smile, her laugh. God, she hadn’t heard her laugh in so long. She missed it.   
She missed Patterson.   
She wanted her girl back.   
She couldn’t live like that; knowing that she had hurt her so badly that she couldn’t even look at her in the eyes. She had never meant to hurt her. She would never hurt her on purpose.   
But she’d chosen her job over her friend. And now, she couldn’t live with herself. 

Tasha finished another beer. The world around her started to get blurry. She couldn’t think clearly. But Patterson was still on her mind. Only Patterson. 

Without thinking, Tasha picked up her phone and started dialling. She didn’t realize what she was doing until she saw the name Patterson on her screen and the sound of the first ring.   
She hung up immediately.   
What was she doing?   
She almost called Patterson. Patterson, who didn’t even talk to her on a daily basis. What was she thinking? She wouldn’t even have answered.  
Would have she?   
Tasha hesitated, then dialled the number a second time. The time, it rang twice before she hung up. Again.  
She couldn’t do it. 

What if Patterson refused to talk to her? What if she accused her of being a horrible person who only cared about her career and lied to her friends? Because right now, that was what she was thinking about herself. She let down everyone around her. She didn’t deserve to be her friend. 

Tasha reached for another beer. 

Halfway through it, she picked up her phone for the third time and called Patterson, once again. But this time, she didn’t hang up. Maybe she was too tired, or maybe she really wanted to know if Patterson was going to answer. In any case, she listened to the phone ring and ring. It felt like an eternity.   
‘She’s not going to answer,’ she thought to herself.   
Then, the ringing stopped and she heard a small “Hello.” 

Tasha was frozen.   
‘She answered, she actually answered!’  
But she was so in shock that she couldn’t move, or think. After a while, she heard Patterson’s voice more clearly. “Tasha?”  
Hearing Patterson say her name brought Tasha back to reality. Her voice shaking, she let out a nervous “Hi.” 

Then, the line went silent for a minute or so.   
She couldn’t breathe.   
But Patterson hadn’t still hung up, so it wasn’t such a bad sign. 

Suddenly, her voice resonated through her phone.   
“So, how are you?” 

Tasha closed her eyes, enjoying Patterson’s voice. But she realized that she was probably waiting for an answer.   
She took a deep breath. “Okay, I guess. You?”   
“Okay.” 

God, that was so awkward. This must be the most awkward conversation she ever had. And it was with Patterson! 

“So…” Patterson started, “do you need something?”   
Suddenly, Tasha remembered. They weren’t on speaking terms. And she called her. What could she tell her? Tasha didn’t even know why she had called her. She just knew that she wanted, no needed, to hear her voice. She needed her. She needed Patterson in her life.   
And she was intoxicated enough not to care much about what she was going to say next. So, she let it all out.   
“I miss you.”

There was a short silence. But Tasha didn’t wait for Patterson to reply.   
“I miss you so much. It’s been weeks since we haven’t talked since you haven’t even looked at me in the eyes. And I miss it. I miss our conversations, I miss our time together, I miss my best friend. I just miss you.   
And I don’t know how I can make it up to you. What I have done is unforgivable and you have every right to be mad at me. But I want you to understand that I didn’t have a choice. I have a duty towards my country to protect and serve it. It’s my job. It’s who I am. And if I break this promise, I am nothing. Everything I stand for would be nothing. I can’t do that; I couldn’t do that.   
But I knew that it meant lying to you and breaking your heart. And I hate myself for this. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. I care so much about you, I would never, ever, hurt you on purpose. Breaking your heart broke mine. And I can’t fix it, I know that.   
But you need to know that I wanted to kill Borden the moment I saw him. I wanted to hurt him so badly. I wanted to make him suffer like he made you suffer. But I couldn’t. And when Keaton told me that we were going to work with him, use him as an asset, I didn’t want to be a part of that. If I had any choice, I would have walked away. I would have told you. But I couldn’t. So, I did the only thing I know how to do right: I did my job.   
And you can be mad at me all you want. You can yell at me, you can hit me, you can shut me out of your life; but please, please, understand that I am deeply sorry, that I would have never done something like that if I had a choice. I never meant to hurt you. You’re everything to me. You’re the most important person in my life and I like you, so much.   
And I miss you.”

On that, Tasha hung up. She didn’t have the courage to listen to Patterson’s answer. At least, she had said everything she needed to say. At least, now Patterson knew. Maybe it wouldn’t change anything. But she had tried.   
Tasha wiped away the few tears that had fallen on her cheeks. She reached for the beer that she had left aside and finished it.   
Not long after, she fell asleep on her couch. 

\---

The morning after, Tasha woke up feeling nauseous and groggy.   
She was on her couch, four or five bottles of beer were laying at her feet and she was late.   
She had no recollection of what happened the night before.   
What a good way to start the day.

She arrived fifteen minutes late to work, which was not bad considering. She quickly apologized to Reade but apparently, they had no major case, so it was paperwork day. She would be able to sober up quietly at her desk. And not having to talk to people. This could turn out not so bad after all. 

However, thirty minutes after she arrived, Patterson walked awkwardly toward her desk.   
Tasha didn’t see her at first. It’s only when the blonde cleared up her throat that she raised her head and noticed that she was there. Near her. Looking at her. It was more than what she got from her these past few weeks. Usually, even when she had a question about a case, she wouldn’t ask her. And they weren’t on any case.   
What was she doing here? Not that Tasha was complaining, but she didn’t understand. Why the sudden change of heart? 

She must have stared at her for a while because Patterson started twisting her hands nervously.   
Since she wasn’t going to speak first, Tasha decided to give it a go.   
“Hey,” She started, “do you…need something or...”  
“Can we talk?” Patterson interrupted her.   
It startled Tasha, but, once again, she was not going to refuse her anything. It was the first time since she learned about Borden that Patterson wanted to talk to her. She would do anything for her.   
“Yeah, sure.”   
Patterson started leaving. “Somewhere more private.”   
So, she followed her, not in her lab as she thought, but in a room that she had never seen before. 

“What is this place?”  
“Rich’s relax room. Nobody knows its existence, so we’re good.”   
Tasha nodded. That Rich inhabit this place would explain a lot. 

“So…you wanted to talk?” Tasha asked her, apprehensive about her answer. She hoped it wasn’t to yell at her.   
“Yeah.” Patterson seemed nervous. “About what you said last night.”   
Tasha blinked.   
“What I said last night?”  
“Yeah…” She looked confused.   
“We didn’t talk last night. I was home, alone.”   
“I know. You called me.”   
“No, I didn’t.”   
“Yes, you did.”   
But Tasha still looked like she had no idea what she was talking about. Then, he hit Patterson.   
“Oh my god, you don’t remember! Were you drunk?”

Tasha opened her mouth to protest then she remembered that, yes she was drunk last night, and yes she didn’t remember most of the night. But she would have remembered calling Patterson, wouldn’t she?   
But then, she would have never called Patterson if she were sober. So, it wasn’t that impossible. When she’s drunk, she is either contagiously happy or depressed. And if she was thinking of Patterson (she knew she was thinking of Patterson), it was even more possible that she called her, to apologize, probably.   
God, she was stupid! 

Patterson watched as Tasha slowly realized what was happening. She couldn’t believe it. She should’ve known that she was drunk, her voice was shaky and she knew she wouldn’t have said all of that if she was sober. She shouldn’t have known that it was only the drink talking and not Tasha. How could she have believed that Tasha felt the same as her? She was so stupid! 

Patterson started to pace nervously. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said anything…”  
But Tasha was already reaching for her. “No, no. I’m sorry, for not remembering calling you. I was very drunk last night.”  
Tasha took Patterson’s hand in hers. The blonde looked at her, really looked at her.   
“I am really sorry for not remembering. But I won’t be sorry for calling you. Because, even if I don’t remember, I know that I must have said things about us, about me, about what I did and why did it. And apparently, it must have meant something because you’re here, talking to me. So, if my idiot drunken self told you things that made you change your mind on our relationship, then no I’m not sorry. And I really hope that I didn’t say anything stupid.”   
Tasha watched as Patterson looked down and smiled a bit.   
“No, you didn’t say anything stupid.”   
Tasha sighed, smiling. “Thank god!”  
They looked at each other for a few moments. Tasha still didn’t know how to act around Patterson, but she was so glad that they were here, relaxed and smiling.   
She was about to let go of Patterson’s hand when the blonde squeezed it more forcefully, not letting her go. She didn’t look away.   
“Last night, you said that you did what you did because you had to not because you wanted too. You said that you would never hurt me intentionally and that if you had a choice, you would have never done anything that would have hurt me.”   
Tasha held her gaze but didn’t say anything. She wanted to let Patterson finish.   
“You said that I was the most important person in your life and that…you missed me.”   
There was a silence.   
“I meant every word.   
“You are the most important person in my life. You are my best friend, my everything. And I do miss you. A lot.”   
Patterson was a bit astounded by Tasha said, but she decided to leave it for now.   
She smiled at her. “I missed you too.”   
The brunette felt like she could cry from relief. “Does that mean I’m forgiven?”  
Patterson shrugged. “There’s nothing to forgive. You always had my back but I was to blind to see it. Are we still friends?”   
Tasha nodded, trying to hold back her tears. 

With one last squeeze, Patterson let go of her hand and started to leave. “Well, I’ll see you out there, then?”   
“Yeah, of course.”   
Patterson smiled and left.   
Tasha found herself alone, once more, but this time she knew she would be okay. Patterson forgave her. She was looking at her and talking to her. She had her best friend back. This was more than what she could’ve asked for. She should get drunk more often, she thought, smiling to herself. After a while, she left the room at her turn, the smile still on her face. 

\---

Tasha was putting her coat on, ready to leave when Patterson showed up at her desk. They hadn’t really talked much during the day, and Tasha still couldn’t believe that they were friends again.   
“Hey, you’re leaving?” The blonde asked, a bit breathless.  
“Yeah,” She answered, “I actually caught up with all my paperwork!”   
“Great!” Patterson seemed nervous. “Um… do you want to go get a drink together, the two of us?”   
Tasha was at first taken aback by the sudden question, but then, she couldn’t help but smile at her. Was Patterson asking her to go get a drink together? Hell yes!   
“Of course.”  
Patterson seemed relieved and she smiled. “Great! Let’s go.” 

The way to the bar was awkward. After what had happened, it was a bit difficult to fall back into old patterns. Tasha was afraid to start a conversation; she didn’t want to say something wrong. But Patterson seemed agitated. And Tasha didn’t want to disturb her.   
So they walked quietly.   
Until Patterson stopped abruptly, making Tasha turned around to see her.   
“What is it?” She asked the blonde.   
Patterson moved her hands nervously, tucking back a stray lock of hair behind her ear, before finally looking up at Tasha.   
“When you said that I was the most important person in your life, did you mean it?”  
Tasha was confused. “Yes, I told you.”  
But Patterson wasn’t still reassured.   
“And when you said that I was your… your everything, did you mean that too?”  
Now, Tasha felt where this was going and she was starting to get nervous.   
“Yes, I do.” 

There was a silence.   
The two women were facing each other.   
Getting no answer from Patterson, Tasha started to think that she did everything wrong and that she had possibly ruined their friendship.   
Oh, God! What has she done? She could’ve kept her mouth shut! She shouldn’t have said that! They only just made up, why did she have to always push it. Really, she should stop drinking; it only made her take bad decisions apparently. Why did she have to be like that? 

Breaking the silence, Tasha said: “It’s nothing really, forget it.”   
With that, she turned around and walked away, trying to hold back her tears. She was such a fool! Believing that her best friend shared her feelings was crazy. What did she think was going to happen?   
However, she only had the chance to take three steps away when she felt Patterson’s hand grabbing hers and turning her around. She didn’t have time to ask her what she was doing when she felt the blonde’s lips on hers. Without thinking, Tasha put her hands on her waist and kissed her back. She felt Patterson’s hands cradled her face. Suddenly, a loud sound pierced the sky and rain started to pour down on them. 

Tasha and Patterson broke apart, laughing.   
“You are my everything too.”   
Tasha couldn’t believe it. Did she hear right? Did Patterson like her too? After all, they just kissed so…  
She looked for validation in Patterson’s eyes, and what she saw made her heart beat faster.   
“But what about …”  
Patterson didn’t let her finish. “We can talk later.”  
She bit down on her lip, looking at Tasha with adoration. “But if you really want to know, I always liked you more than a friend and that was why I was even more mad at you. I thought I didn’t matter enough to you and it hurt, so bad. But now, I know why you did what you did. And I understand. You are so special to me and I don’t want to lose you again…”  
“You’re not going to lose me. I’m right here.”   
Tasha stroked Patterson’s cheek.   
They were soaking wet at that point, but they couldn’t care less.   
“I know,” Patterson whispered, before leaning in and kissing her again. 

“I’m never leaving you again.”


End file.
